my leo has been out of jail for 4 days now. he is staying with his uncle but spending time with our family again. i randomly will smile realizing that i can hold his hand kiss him just exist along side him. we’re slowly reintroducing meals together video games going to the store cuddles with triton simple peaceful things. started therapy and are have more appointments in the next week. so so thankful for support from friends and family. i’m working on remaining content in just these moments in the same way i appreciated the things that sustained me to through difficult times i’m trying to hold on to the now instead of allowing the other things that weigh on me to overwhelm me. that he still faces the potential of prison time. that these are mental health issues and although medication is making a huge difference adjustments or even therapy can trigger relapses or psychotic episodes again. those things scare me.
i want an ideal world in which everything works the way that ensures the best outcome. instead i’m understanding in ways i never did before that we truly make due with what we have and that we cannot rush things because of impatience because of wanting the end result without the work and struggle or we force ourselves into abandoning the things we want most or making things harder for ourselves.
i’m so happy. i feel lighter. i am thankful.
i love my family. i love myself. i love the heartwarming joy i feel with my head nestled on my husband’s chest or seeing our daughter and him laughing and playing. connection. love. togetherness. we’re whole. and we’re working hard.
day 92 – home and hope
for now. that is enough. laying side by side holding each other tight. group hugs and cuddles. just a few hours and the world feels complete again. i’m worried. there are side effects i didn’t notice before. hoping. hoping. and worried. but for now just enjoying the now. and so grateful for that. for kisses. for touch. for peace.
julia. 